Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Excessive Sodium Intake

Due to recent events, this story must be told...

A couple of weekends ago, my Grandma, Grandpa, Uncle Kenny and Uncle Jonny (almost said Aunt Jonny...hehe) came to stay with us. It was fantastic! Uncle Kenny - the super fly, rich high schooler that he is - spent some of his hard earned cash buying snacks at Bimart and Winco that Saturday, including a pound of delicious teriyaki-flavored beef jerky. Said visiting family members, along with mom and dad, enjoyed a small portion (about 1/4 pound) that night. Uncle Kenny then sealed up his goods in his ever-cool homemade duct tape bag in the living room.

All was well and we hunkered down for the night. Sleep came hard and fast for everyone. We all awoke the next morning quite well rested. We then went along our merry ways: dad and grandpa to their second round of golf for the weekend and a trip to the golf store (after locking themselves out of the house…a definite ploy to get more golf gear); mom, grandma, Uncle Kenny and Aunt (couldn’t resist) Jonny to Starbucks, Ross, a rescue trip to the golf store to give dad keys to the house, and finally, Goodwill (where mom found the most comfortable jeans ever – DKNY if anyone’s interested).

Dad and grandpa arrived home to me – in all my glory – having ripped a hole in Uncle Kenny’s super sturdy homemade duct tape bag and eaten 3/4 pound of the teriyaki beef jerky. Yes, that’s right folks, I ate 4% of my body weight in beef jerky. (For those interested, it was the equivalent of a 200 pound man eating 8 pounds of beef jerky in one sitting.) By that time, I had finished my entire water bowl and was ready for a second. By the time mom got home, I had downed another bowl of water, was visible larger and was sloshing my way around the house. Needless to say, my slight constipation from that morning had been removed and I managed to pee, poop and throw up throughout the house. Beat that Boston!

Well, this story was humorous in it’s own right as eating such food also resulted in an excessively high sodium intake for my petite frame. And then the events of tonight unfolded right before my eyes.

Daddy graciously offered to make mommy dinner tonight. He and she worked in Cleaver-like family bliss making a delicious homemade ramen. (That’s right, none of this packaged stuff for the Wagner’s – we like to eat healthy homemade!) We all pitched in: I tested the banana treats in the fridge as well as the yummy garlic daddy was preparing; mommy boiled the water, emptied the dishwasher, sauted the garlic and veggies; daddy chopped the veggies, sautéed the chicken, cooked the noodles, and prepared the soy sauce broth.

One minor problem: we missed the “broth” portion of soy sauce broth. Therefore, daddy boiled (thereby removed more liquid and intensifying the sodium) 5 cups of pure soy sauce with a touch of garlic. We all thought the sauce might be a little strong but didn’t want to question the good old Asian food cookbook. It hasn’t let us down yet…not a statement we can make about our own abilities to follow directions.

Well, mommy and daddy ate the soup. I got none. This fact normally distresses me as I don’t see why I can’t eat their food. But they say that I actually eat healthier than them so I guess I should be grateful. And tonight I am!

According to their calculations, mommy and daddy each ate somewhere between 300-600% of their daily sodium intake (on a 2000-calorie diet) in one sitting. They both became visible larger. (Does this story seem to ring a bell with another recent event – they say great minds think alike, right? Not so much, but I digress.) While I’ve been cozily cuddling, licking, jumping and frolicking around the house, mommy and daddy have been taking turns in the bathroom. We’re all headed to bed early. Me to dream happily and mommy and daddy to sleep it off.

Does anybody know how to light a candle when you only have paws? Matches and lighters are a bit advanced for me.

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